Using Jean Baptiste Fourier's Name.....

Here's something that Keshav and myself wrote as an intro for our batch's yearbook Smriti 2004. Found it at home and decided to put it up.

The 'Four-year' Transform

Transform:

v [trans fa`wrm]

vt change something dramatically: to change people or things completely, especially improving their appearence or usefulness.

Have we undergone a transformation? What were we? What are we?

Dark were the clouds, and roaring was the sky, when we put our first steps in KREC. It was the August of 2000. Looking at the main lobby, all of us would have thought 'This will be my home for the next four years' and heaved a sigh of relief thinking that the efforts put during 11th and 12th standards were not in vain.

For many, the first challenge must have been adjusting to hostel life. Not having left the hallowed comforts of their homes, the rooms; the bullet proof rotis; the bathrooms and the presence of so many unique individuals must have come as a real wake up call for many. "When you can't beat 'em, join 'em" was the name of the game and we realised the nuances of this game quite early and since then there was no stopping us.

As a batch we have excelled in everything. We have had some of the best quizzers, best sportsmen, best artists, best entertainers, who made every event like INCI, CRRESCENDO, PHOENIX memorable for all of us. Surely, the batch of 2004 rocks.

In retrospection, one can say that nothing is permnent except change and changes that we saw were like swimming pool, new blocks, new Nescafe in the campus and nomenclatural transforms like KREC to NITK. We also sa ourselves changing from adolescents, unsure of ourselves, to clear thinking individuals who know what they want to do in future. Ultimately the 'four year' transform has made us secure and confident to face the world.

These four years, some call it the four year itch, some a long vacation...has surely been the best part of our lives so far.

The campus and the faces will change with time, but what will remain unchanged is the NITKian way of life an our memories.

With all our heart we wish everyone good luck for the future.

Goodbye till we meet again.

-The Smriti Team

Rapchik maal..haath lagao...shame!! shame!!!

wanna know more about sexual harrasment?
read streets, stories, strategies and train to chennai
Two different stories with the same theme but theres a different lesson to be learnt in each.

if these does not atleast move you then thou shalt be christened Stoneheart.

Simply Southern Facts

This post is dedicated to all those N.Indians who think that S.India is filled with Hindi hating buggers who apply oil, oil and more oil; who don't use swear words abusing one's mother or sister just to indicate closeness among friends; who wear a lungi (yikes!!! even for our dress we need to take permission from the imperial durbar of Delhi!!!!); S. Indian females are all alike and much more...(let me state beforehand that this is not a generalisation of the N.Indian male, but aimed at a few feudal age bums)....
___________________________________________________________________
Karama Pesi Kovama Pata Andhra Ponnu nu terinjuko
Kaveri Pola Varamal irunda Karnataka nu terinjuko
Dhaaralama Manasu Irunda Kerala nu terinjuko
Nazhuvara Meenula Nazhuvura Meenu nammooru ponnu nu terinjuko

Singer: Manicka Vinayagam, playback singer for Madhavan
Song: Theradi Veethiyil
Movie: Run

A strange song wherein the hero suddenly takes it upon himself to give fundas to the aam junta. He gives fundas such as "If a Brahmin girl is seen buying fish, then it implies a love marriage", "If a chariot carying the God comes on the street then it means that theres a fest going on", "A cycle without a carrier is the best for lovers" etc. A strange beginning for this post, since its beginning indicates an all out attack on my brethren living north of the Vindhyas. Have done it deliberately because I want you to see that all southern women are not the same. (i could not recollect anything else)

The last stanza is pretty interesting, because he enroaches on territory usually treaded with the trepidation reserved (henceforth) for republishing the perfectly reasonable Mohammad cartoons. (I'll write something on this later. Might even put up the cartoons if I can convince myself that some crazy jihadi will not assasinate me.) He talks about the females from the southern states of India. Wonder where Goa went!! Not to worry, I'll try to bring up something after I finish this post. He says:

If a female talks harshly and looks at you menacingly, shes from Andhra Pradesh
If she refuses to come to you like the Kaveri river, then shes from Karnataka
If she has a liberal mindset then she's from Kerala
If she's worse than a slippery eel (technical translation of meen is 'fish') then shes form our place i.e Tamil Nadu

Okay, you may snigger about these lines. Go ahead!! Do the ROTFL, LOL and all associated stuff, but if it has entered your thick skull that every region is unique then one of my targets has been met.

Okay, lets come to the lungi part. Whats your problem with it? Since you will not appreciate the confort of this if I state it in that way, let me ask you a few questions. Just because you have dry merciless summers in N.India do you think the weather Gods are also bound to follow your diktat that the south should also have roasting 45 to 50 degree summers? Do you know that since S.India is a peninsula which FYI is surrounded by the sea on 3 sides, heavy duty humidity is also a part of our lives here. OK agreed that there are some places like Hyderabad-Karnatak, Vidharba, Telengana where the weather Gods carry out 'Thy Bidding'. But focus on the average 'Madrasi'. Do you realise that summer clothing for us also has to take into account the ventilation aspect too? Do you think some pyjama is gonna facilitate that?

Now come to our 'rashtrabhasha'. Since when did UP, Bihar, Rajasthan and MP constitute Bharat Rashtra? You tried every scheme to make us learn Hindi, but in your desie to dominate you forgot the basic law of economics, namely 'The Necessity of an incentive' to achieve the goal. Let me quote Steven Levitt of Freakonomics fame for you...
"Economics is, at root the study of incentives, how people get what they want, or need, especially when other people want or need the same thing. Economists love incentives. They love to dream them up and enact them, study them and tinker with them. The typical economist believes that the world has not invented a problem that he cannot fix if given a free hand to design the proper incentive scheme. His solution may not be always pretty - it may involve coercion or exorbitant penalties or the violation of civil liberties- but the original problem, rest assured, will be fixed. An incentive is a bullet, a lever, a key: an often tiny object with astonishing power to change a situation".

Is it so difficult? All that was needed on your part to shut up the likes of the assholes like Karunanidhi, MGR, Annadurai etc and save a whole state from burning was to use some brain and devise some scheme so that people would have seen it as an incentive rather than a threat which, passing a bill is. Your desire to impose your unwanted clout resulted in almost 2 generations of Tamil Nadu residents losing out on Hindi. The results are still there to see: "Dude, they look at you with murderous intent if you speak Hindi in Chennai". Right to an extent, but not completely. The names Chennai now, and (quoting from the editorial of The Hindu, March 6th 2006), much water has flown down the Kaveri, the Palar, the Ponnaiyar, the Pennar, the Vaigai. Infact autorickshaw drivers in Chennai can give you fundas in Hindi if you try some stunt thinking they are ignorant, as my friend T V Rajinikant discovered much to his chagrin.

Now, lets come to the issue of 'black gold'. Has any South indian ever asked you to touch his/her hair (the plume if i may state in order to remove 'misconceptions')? Then whats your problem with them applying oil? Do you think they are consuming oil at a rapid rate such that our national reserves are reducing? Do you think they are indirectly increasing petrol prices? hah!!! get over such thinking and accept them as people.

The next grouse that I have is regarding your attitude regarding Carnatic music. Do you think that only Gharanas and singing stuff like "Kanhaiyya mohe bachao (or is it baccha ho?)" is next to Godliness? If you are unable to distinguish between Hamsadhwani and Saraswati raga; between Kadanakutuhala raga and kalyani raga and/or Aberi and Sri raga, is that the collective sin of the 'Vindhyas and down under' which has to be atoned for?

If S.Indians talk in tamil, kannada, telugu, malayalam, konkani or tulu and if you are unable to understand, what makes you think that you have a fundamental right and S. Indians have a fundamental duty with regard to translation? And whats the cardinal rule that Hindi has to be spoken when you are around? If theres anything concerning you, it will be conveyed in Hindi or English, rest assured.

Whats your problem if students from Andhra Pradesh study more and more? In the same way your almost rabid chase of PSUs is also questionable. Man, if you guys are ready to ditch good jobs like ABB, GE just because you want the extra "mez ke neeche" (below the table) cash, just fuck yourselves!!! Don't ask me how. You great ones may have some God given bodily feature by which you can satisfy your carnal desires even in the absence of a partner......and before you even think of pointing it out, let me make it clear that masturbation is a process and not a bodily feature.

Also please note, swear words are a part and parcel of southern culture too. its just that either you are too dimwitted or nonchalant to observe its usage. Next time look out for phrases like "Onga atha", "nim hendr", "Thevadiya payale" etc

uff!! this post has become way too long. somehow i lost my temper today and decided to write...guess, continuous torturous sermons about how the south should adapt like the north has got to me...Now that I am back to normal, let me just quote Stephen Fleming the New Zealand cricket captain, "The nature of pitches should not be made uniform. Because it will then take away the beauty and charm of playing in different places." In the same way, if you try to make a delhi out of chennai, a gurgaon out of bangalore, a noida out of hyderabad, a varanasi out of chidambaram; it will take away the beauty and charm of our land.

To conclude, something radically different from this post. I was having this discussion with my neice whos into her first year medicine. She was groaning about the size and number of books that she has to study. Girl, even professional engineering societies like the IEEE are grappling with the problem of teaching the younger generation that engineers are also 'cool' people who serve society. You docs have no such image problem......So a few books for a few years should not be an issue. Think of the 'larger' benefits that you tend to gain...Also, medical colleges have a better sex ratio compared to the deserts that engineering colleges are..As Purandaradasa once said, "Adaddella Ulithe Aayithu" (Whatever has happened is for the good)!!!!!

Belated Women's Day wishes to any female who (if at all) happens to read my blog. Women centric wishes that I wish on this day:
1. May manu sharma be hanged to death...let jessica get justice.
2. May all the IIPM bloggers who abused Rashmi Bansal in such filthy terms experience the same shit that they desired for her.
3. May the blanknoiseproject eliminate sexual harrasment. sorry girls, the prevailing connection at IITD put me off from attempting to put up a post in support on 7th.

Chuck Sachin and Laxman too....

Scene 1: The Karachi Test, India's Tour of Pakistan, 2006

All that was required from the world's 'best' batting line up was to just last for 2 days. Not a
Herculean task I must say. Yes, I am nowhere near international class cricket, but there have
been instances when I have had to hang on for extended periods and i have done my duty diligently without being flashy. Mr. Sachin and Laxman, you might give the excuse that Mohd Asif was at his best. Agreed to that too, but couldn't you see him off? What was the need to score fours and more fours. Again, you might invoke the Bangalore test of Pakistan's tour of India where you, the great Gods had gone into a shell once Sehwag was dismissed. Probably you wanted to atone for that and you ended up overcompensating. No my dear 'jewels of India', this is not the way. And the way you got out....Sachin, you get a little sympathy because the ball kept low, but Laxman, your career is akin to someone in the middle of a rope bridge which is swaying dangerously in the wind and the supports rapidly collapsing. Laxman Jhoola Version II I must say........

Scene 2: The Nagpur Test, England's Tour of India, 2006

Laxman lbw b Hoggard 0

Sachin lbw b Monty panesar 16

Again agreed that England bowled well. But why is it that whenever you guys are batting it always seems like a wicket is going to fall? Is it because of you guys losing it or is the bowling so
menacing? Or is it that I support you guys unconciously even though on the outside i pretend to
be hyper cool about India getitng beaten and vociferously support the opponents? Hell, in asking
for your heads I have gone into introspection!!!!!!!

Whatever, Sachin and Laxman should be kept out for a few games. They are too precious to be
thrown out forever considering that they have 6-7 years left in them. But you guys need to get
back to Shivaji park and Hyderabad Gymkhana (??? is this where "hydra"badis learn cricket????)...

Time to give Venugopala Rao a look in in tests. S. Sharath, S. Sriram, Hemang badani from TN also deserve a chance. Robin Uthappa, Barrington Rowland from Karnataka; laxmi rattan Shukla from Bengal..and many more need a look in..guess some competition will make Sachin and Laxman play properly.

In the end, I can't help saying this, but Ganguly could come in for Laxman...

Current Music (while typing): Thunderclap Newman, 'Something in the air', OST Almost Famous

Current Music (while posting): Dire Straits, 'Jack The Ripper'

Current Mood: Lazy

Sleep-Talkin'

Something strange happened on 22nd Feb in the wee hours (07:45) of the morning. Strange in the sense, 'a strange occurence after I have landed in Delhi a long time ago in July 2004'.

I talked in my sleep!! Yikes!! And to whom? To one of my teachers from NIT Surathkal who is here in IIT Delhi for his PhD. Met him later in the evening and the first thing I did was to ask him the contents of my morning blabber. Kumar Sir grinned at me and said, 'Either you must have been in deep sleep or else you must have been doing some programming.' I was like, 'Eh??? Explain maadi saar!!' 'Man, you said "If the answer is YES then press Y else exit the program!!'.......

Initial reaction?? Stunned!! Why? Even in the halcyon days of my programming I have never
ventured into the job of attempting to make the user have a perfect interface. My aim has been to ensure that the algo is robust, and I assume (some of you may say wrongly) that the user is smart enough to give the correct input..HE HE HE

Thats one view. The other view is that the matter could have been related to an input requiring a choice. But why in the name of 'whoever' would I be doing such a related task when there has been no programming exercise for the past four months? Some old tug at my heart like an old flame? (Though i must say that there is no chance for the latter cos me still single and ready to
mingle. All ye single or about to become single again girls, take the hint!!!)

Now, an unanswered question is a troublesome mosquito. It keeps buzzing around you even at times when you want peace. Thats my state now..I still am trying to figure out why i said those
lines...Anyone willing to take a guess can do so in the comments section. All that i know is that
i had been deprived of quality sleep for the past 5 days (this is called the Shreya Syndrome aka
Ukill Syndrome named after a good friend, an Infosyscian, wannabe Tulu teacher and pioneer of
night outs for work, Shreya Uchil!!! Take a bow lady, the spotlight's on you); have missed
breakfast on 3 of the five days (a syndrome called Tridivasa Upavasa) and have developed acute paramania (listen to Foo Fighters' "Wind Up").....Take these as hints and work out your answers.

Answers related to love and insanity will be not be entertained.

Current Music: 'Adhesive Love', Stone Temple Pilots
Current Mood: Relaxed
Current crush: Rituparna Sengupta

PS:

1.Theres a screening of 'Subarnarekha' a movie by Ritwik Ghatak in my hostel on 26th. All ye
bored Bong movie fans who have cash to spare on a quick round trip air ticket are welcome to
Shivalik Hostel, IIT Delhi........

2.And of course for the enterprising Mallus or Mallu movie fans, March 10th is the day for the
screening of Adoor Gopalakrishnan's 'Nizzhalkuthu' (Shadow Kill) at Karakoram Hostel...

The G(r)and Vizier's Beach Party

Strange title ain't it? It has to be too, considering that this is a trip back in time. Its about a story untold, an awakening, nothing to do with gands and everything to do with a party.

It all started when the Karnataka CET results were declared and your's truly and Keshav found themselves within the top 'dade sow' (150) of the state.

The managers (read parents), the players (read professional course aspirants) and the promoters (read the bloated college managements) started their hectic strategies to secure the 'best deal' for themselves. The managers, wanting the best deal for their players so that their stock could rise favourably as compared to others; the players themselves suddenly behaving like top notch profesisonals who are negotiating a tricky defence agreement suddenly wanting to sculpt a career for themselves; and the promoters trying to rule the best of both worlds, brain and cash to their series, a la Kerry Packer.

In all this hullabaloo, suddenly the phone rang at Vattarmadom. For the uninitiated, this is the name of my house. (Still haven't decoded the meaning of it). I remember having lied about it in my school as "the house of peace"...Peace??when was it ever The Golan Heights for the term peace to be coined in separately? The Kothakurusi village (Ottapalam taluka (i suppose), palghat District, Kerala state) and the Bangalore versions of vattarmadom have been plentiful oasis of calm, laughter and all the other good things that u can think of.I still remember coming back from a wedding in Bombay as a 6 year old, diving on the floor, rolling like an elephant taking a sandbath and all the while exclaiming "Thatha, namma aam maari onnum illai". (Grandpa, theres no place like our home).

Anyway, back to the call. This is how it went.

Keshav: Maga, so what have you decided?
Me: About what?
K: Ob maga, seat bagge. (Obvious dude, about the seat)
M: Oh!!Illa le, tumba confusing agide..(No man, its damn confusing)
K: Listen to me. What do you say to KREC?
M: What do you expect we'll get there?
K: Trical or Mech
M: But I'm not interested in either...
K: I know maga, neither am I...But i heard that there is a branch change option available, whereby we can change to EnC depending on the marks that we score.
M: Are you sure you wanna leave comps in RV?
K: Magga, you must be crazy to say no to a chance to get EnC in KREC.
M: What if we don't get a BC?
K: Even then, trical has got good job offers...
M: Right, count me in.

Armed with this pre-meditated choice, we went to the 'counselling' session. Since our ranks were pretty close by our 'counselling' was scheduled for the same time slot. I still don't understand the term 'counselling'. COunselling is what happens when you visit shrinks or funda givers. What happened at the CET Cell and what still happens is a seat selection. If people think that a guy sitting in front of the computer displaying the seat matrix and telling me how many seats are available in each institute under which branch constitutes counselling, they need to reconsider. I hope the authorities concerned have the sense to rename the process just for posterity's sake. But for this post, 'counselling' stays; because thats what we were supposed to have undergone.

The counselling went off smoothly with some last gasp effort from Keshav to get that juicy EnC seat. How??? Even though the matrix displayed zero, our man went ahead and asked for the seat hoping that something like a last minute cancellation of a Rs.500/- ticket on Air Deccan might have occured. Well, whoever had taken those seats were not going to give it up, just like the travel agents who gobble up those tickets.

So here we were, two pre-university classmates, out to become the best of friends at the university. To cut a long story short, what ensued was this: the original BC matamorphosised into the slang BC (Behan Chod), electrical became the next best thing to God (thank God I didn't crossover into EnC), EnC became something that many loved to hate and the jobs did pour in!!! Every year had its share of adventures and before all these incidents in KREC, there were the so called 'Amit mane Conferences' (Conferences in Amit's house...[author's note: Amit also
called Buddi was also a classmate in pre-univ who continued his studies in bangalore]) wherein Adithya and Kshitij battled out to determine who would be the fourth roomie along with keshav, me and gandhi!!!

There was also the trip to Surathkal for the 'other state REC counselling'...Needless to say, I fell in love with Surathkal once I saw the beach and very happily rejected the seats on offer in the other REcs, much to the surprise of my dad who had been hearing dialogues like "I wanna live as far away away as possible. I want to experience India" etc etc for the whole week leading to the 'counselling'. The only regret I have is that there was a babe who chose Warangal or some
other REC, I don't remember...Whoever u are, my 'muuahs' to you..wish we could have spent some time on the beach!!! But then, if I had not chosen Surathkal............

And the story ends, leavig you all with the Vengaboys song, 'I Wanna have sex on the beach!!!'

PS: wish blogger had an option like livejournal for current song, current mood etc....

Story time!!!

Aargh!! Finally completed part I of my 'soon-to-hit-the-stands' short story. and i am giving u all a free preview of the beginning....u better be generous with your praises if you want to avoid paying for this one..HA HA HA..
____________________________________________________________________
Irrawaddy

London, June 2389
"I give him thirty more minutes", Dr.Pringle said in his usual stoic manner, "Only immediate family members are allowed. Others, please vacate the room."

Delilah did not move a muscle until the last person had filed out of the room. Once she heard the reassuring sound of the latch, she turned her lovely, deer like eyes towards the bed, where the king of England lay, nearly cut into two.

Memories of last night flooded through her mind. She herself, heavily pregnant with the heir to the throne, had barely managed to survive the attack and if not for the last gasp thrust of the King's sword, the crazed American would have had 3 kills to his name and not 1 which was going to happen soon.

"Honey", came the croaked voice from the bed, "the end is drawing near."

"Why do you have to be so cruel to me Steve? Why do you have to rub it in? Please, can we, for this short period of time become the carefree lovers that we were in Delhi?"

"Ha ha..aah", the King winced in pain.

"Whats so funny Steve?"

"My Queen, I found it ironically funny that you should take up the name of Delhi. Delhi....thats the place that is going to save us."

"I..I don't understand."

"Listen to me carefully and don't interrupt. We don't have much time. If you remember, after we graduated, we had a big fight about my solo trip to Mandalay?"

"Yes. And let me say that you caused me much pain by your decision."

"There was a purpose. There was intelligence floating around that the Americans were plotting to wipe out the House of Tudor so that they could prop up a dummy regime and go on to achieve their dream of Pax Americana. Having lived with the follies of Tony Blair, Britain would never involve itself in another war. This is precisely why the Britons reposed their faith in the monarchy and threw out the scumbag politicians."

"But love, whats that got to do with your Mandalay trip?""Patience Delilah, patience. You will also recall the turmoil caused by my decision to pursue my post graduation at Jawaharlal Nehru University. I chose JNU over American Universities not only because of its superior infrastructure, but due to strategic interests. I wanted to build a strategic nuclear command of the Commonwealth against the USA. Of course, Pakistan excluded."

"Yes, but why Mandalay?""Mandalay holds the key to fire the bomb if required. Even I do not know how powerful the bomb is, or what range it has..hell, I don't even know from where its going to be fired. Listen carefully....." a sudden spasm took hold of the King's body and Delilah watched in frozen horror as he controlled it with a strange calm which she knew, only the soon-to-be-dead could summon.

"I don't have much time. All I want to say is, since you will be the Queen, get hold of those damn codes and fire the bomb on the land of evil. And do it quick before some more crazed assassins make any more attempts."

"But where do i start?"

"Delhi.......Said-ul-Ajaib, the Garden of Five Senses. Meet the careteker Sanaa. She is a remarkable lady and she should help you. But make sure that you are in disguise. God Bless".

"Steve?" No Reply

"Steve? Talk to me honey....." She shook him a couple of times. As if in reply, his lifeless arm fell on the side, showing the royal sceptre.Delilah dried her tears, picked up the sceptre and walked out of the room. The small group of the faithful had one look at her and knew that this was not the same Delilah that they had known. The mythological Durga had come alive in Britain.

The news networks started churning out their reports.
'The King is dead, long live the Queen'.