A letter to Mr. Kailash Vijayavargiya, Madhya Pradesh PWD and IT minister

Dear Sir,

This is with reference to the hue and cry that you have raised over the matter concerning a contraceptive/protective device manufactured by Hindustan Latex.

Yes, it's a Condom, Yes, it's a sex toy.. Its called Cre'zen'do

According to what I have been reading in the papers, you have said that the condoms have metamorphosed into sex-toys and for added measure you have said, "And sex toys can have serious repurcusisons on the Indian way of life".

Further you have gone on to put your foot in your mouth by saying, "The government should promote family planning and not something that is meant to give your partner pleasure."

Pray excuse me sir, let me have a hearty laugh clutching my stomach and get back to you. HA HA HA HA HA.. ROTFLMAO.... Yeah, I'm back.

Which age are you living in, sir? Sex has always been about pleasure. Can you come out in public and say with 100% honesty that you have never fantasised about how pleasurable sex could be? Let's not hear bull-shit like how 'decent' you were, "Auraton par aankh bhi nahin uthake dekhtatha". Enough!!

You politicians are forgetting one basic fact that your ban of stuff like condoms is going to result in a baby boom. Your priority should be sex education where you teach stuff like

1. how not to treat females like mere sex objects - to males
2. how to be aware of the right to say no to sex - to females
3. understanding of the economic strain in having huge families - to both males and females
4. the deadly nature of AIDS, Syphilis etc - again, to both males and females

Oh sir, I forgot. Sex education is bad right? It corrupts youth right? Tut, tut; where have we landed ourselves? Sex education is bad, pleasurable sex is bad; sex toys are bad; but yet, the population of this god damn country has to be controlled. What do we do, sir? Organise masturbation shibirs/shakas? Prohibit sex? Make homosexuality compulsory? Abolish artificial fertilisation clinics?

Whatever it may be sir, let it be called Cre'Swift'do, Cre'xing'do or even Cre'scorpio'do;let it do whatever it's supposed to do; whats it got to do with you?

All that apart, who are you to interfere in others' bedroom affairs? Every couple has a right to decide their own means of making love. Assume for instance someone were to legislate on how you should make love? Suppose I were to visit your bedroom and carry out a process mapping of your 'roll in the hay', and give you revised procedures/processes how would you feel?

So, shut the fuck up and concentrate on your department - PWD and IT. We all know the condition of your state's roads and IT set up. Look at what you can do there, not in others' bedrooms!!