Thursday, April 19, 2007

Why the BEST strike is crippling Bombay

-The strike has added a large number of private vehicles on the roads. Jams are very common. Half an hour journeys take upto two hours sometimes

-The scarcity of autos has to be seen to be believed. I have never waited upto 15 minutes to flag down an auto

-Long distance travellers are, to put it simply; FUCKED!!! You might say that they can use the train; but a direct bus is anyday welcome than changing a couple of trains.

But, there are some benefits too:

-You get to meet and make friends with many people by way of sharing autos.

-You end up practising the Scout Movement's principle of 'Do one good deed everyday' by way of dropping people at places which lie on your route home

But, at the end of the day, when you are resting your tired limbs and drifting off to sleep, is when you wish for a personal vehicle, least realising that you are going to add to the congestion which is directly gonna eat your time in getting to office!!!

Such is life!!!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Oh Calcutta!!!

Once upon a time, not so long ago, when Bengaluru was still Bangalore; when the only non-Kannadigas to be hated (only during the Kaveri issue) were the Tamils; when IT had not yet reared its head; when it was not yet 2000...... there were only four metros in India namely New Delhi, Bombay, Madras and Calcutta. It is about one such city that I shall write, the city of joy; the Indian football capital; the left bastion; the land of Satyajit Ray... Calcutta!!!

Come to 2007, Cal was the only former exclusive metro that I had not seen. Hence, it was with great anticipation that I waited for my week long training session to start at Cal from the 26th of March, 2007. I know, some of you may me saying, "Here goes the city crazy wierdo!!" Never-mind, Ich bin Wierdo!!!

25th March 2007

The Kingfisher flight from Bombay to Calcutta was on time and one of the airhostesses was stunning; heart achingly beautiful. Let me confess, there are some women who are so beautiful that your mind refuses to think about them lustfully. You wish that you can enshrine them in your heart, and treat them just like an oyster protects a pearl. And if such a pearl happens to be damn knowledgeable providing you with a wonderful overview of the aviation industry, you feel a strange kind of bliss!!!

But, I digress.

The flight landed on time and I was soon standing at the queue of the Bengal Taxi association to get a pre-paid taxi to Salt Lake. Getting a taxi booked is the easy part. The tough part is finding it in the taxi stand, wherein the onus is upon you to find the taxi. Fun, nevertheless!!

26th March, 2007

Training was done and dispensed with for the day. An evening's date with Cal waited. 6 of us just bundled into the good old Ambassador taxi and asked the driver to take us around the city and drop us off at Park Street. The long drive took us past Park Street, Howrah Bridge, Eden gardens, HQ of East Bengal; Mohun Bagan; Mohameddan Sporting and Writer's building. This was a day to savour and take in as much of the city as possible.

Had dinner at Kwality Restaurant, Park Street. Personal suggestion - the food is kinda OK, but service is poor. Some of my pals call it the communist way of service wherein every customer is treated with the same speed... SLOW!!!

27th March, 2007

Easily the best day of my stay. Went boating on a stretch of the Hooghly called Atramghat. (This is how I have deciphered the pronounciation. Any Bengali reading this may correct me if I am wrong; to be precise, it is the stretch of the river near the restaurant with a glass face through which you can overlook the river; also a railway track upon which the local to Barrackpore runs, lies along the river bank. There is also a ghat called Judges' Ghat). I have to thank my Calcuttan colleagues Soumak and Simran for suggesting this place and coming along with us. It was one of those boat rides where you could literally lie on your back and see the stars. Have to (mis)quote Coldplay, "...I look up I look up at night...and my thoughts move at the speed of light..."

28th March, 2007

This evening was dedicated to THE MALL, City Centre. Its a lovely mall, different from the others that I have seen in that, there is more open green space than shops. Drank tea from Kullads, spilt a lot of mountain dew on the floor of the KFC and bought a CD of Pather Panchali; which I have not yet seen.

29th March, 2007

Nightout time... only break was to have tea at a nearby tea stall. Delirium was the order of the night with pressure and time telling on us. Somehow scraped through.

30th March, 2007

Finished the training and went over to New Market. Located a good book store and purchased Orhan Pamuk's Istanbul and Snow. The owner is very knowledgeable and will help you out with the selection of books. Just look for Mohan's book shop in New Market opposite the Lighthouse Cinema. A short stroll brought us to the Esplanade metro station and at the spur of the moment decided to take the metro upto Tollygunge. One word about the Cal Metro - artistic!! Every station is based on some theme, something that is going to be adopted in the Bombay metro. Kaalighat has pics of Kaali, Rabindra Sarovar has illustrations of Tagore's poems etc

31st March, 2007

Left Cal with a heavy heart and arrived at Bangalore with an open mind ready to enjoy a week's vacation.

Friday, April 13, 2007

A Vidharban tug at the heartstrings

Dear God,

I don't know what to say. Nagpur has started occupying that place in my heart which should be normally reserved for a girl!! Either I am a wierdo who falls in love with places or in your 'Great Game' you have identified a girl for me with a Nagpur connection.

I sincerely hope it's the second.

Love,

Deepak

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

300

The most hyped movie of 2007 (Hollywood ofcourse) upto now, has to be 300. Posters, trailers, word of mouth, blogs, print ads and what not, have been used in drumming the details of the movie. Iran has condemned the release of the movie, Parsis in India have expressed their reservations and they are rightly justified. Victors write history is not an empty statement. This movie has gone ahead and shown that victors not only write history, they even distort it.

Everyone should watch the movie ONCE. Graphics and the sound track are the plus points. Research seems to be lacking. Even if Xerxes was a conqueror, it dos not do justice to rip apart a great civilisation like the Persian, in such a shitty manner. See the way Xerxes himself is potrayed. You get the impression that he is a transvestite who rules because of some mystic power. Even the way the Persian army is shown as a buch of bumbling fools is not correct. This was the finest fighting force in Asia once upon a time; and to suggest that some wall which the Spartans build along the coast would stop the Persians is merely foolishness. What are battering rams, trebuchets for? Or did they come only later? And lest I forget, how can a bunch of guys (Spartans) who are shown as carrying no supplies stay fighting fit for so many days? After all, an army marches on its stomach right?

On the technical side, the graphics could have been made more realistic. As of now, eveything looks so UN-MEDIEVAL!!!

The babe who acts as the Spartan Queen is also a treat to the eyes!! Sexy dressing; and ahem... good curves to go along with them.

To summarise, I would give a 2 star out of 5 for the movie. The director had better see Kingdom of Heaven if he intends to make historical movies in the future.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Crazy Kia Re

I believe that everyone has had a phrase, a cause, a word or a person to drive them crazy. COmmitted people have their GFs/BFs to drive them crazy; Upham, the corporal in Saving Private Ryan had the acronym FUBAR to drive him crazy; Naxalites have a foolish cause called Maoism to drive them crazy, so on and so forth.

I have this phrase which drove me crazy for a good one month. It all started in KREC when I got hold of the song Temple of the King by Rainbow. The song was good and provided a mysterious aura to the listener. One could almost feel that he was the King who was being crowned in a strange and dangerous ceremony.

Looking up the file information, I saw that the name of the album provided was "I don't know, do you?". Done and dusted, thought my mind, "If this is the name of the album, I can also locate whether this song is part of any OST or not; which movie it belongs to; whats the funda behind this song etc."

This phrase became my 'mantra' during every waking hour. I chanted this when I ate, took a bath and even while in class. All my free time was spent in the CCC looking up for this song. Fittingly, it was in the bathroom that I discovered that whoever had put in that phrase wanted to send people on a wild goose chase!!! Hats off dude.

What is your 'crazy kia re' item?

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Someone agrees with IEEE

I had published a post on autism sometime back and had expressed my wonder and reservations about the study. Unnikrishnan had contributed a few more eye-opening points and whats most important is that he is a doctor and hence his opinions on the same will certainly have more substance in them.

The December 2006 issue of IEEE Spectrum had published an opinion related to the same.

Excerpt:

Author Temple Grandin, an expert on animal behavior and perhaps the
world’s most famous autistic person, told Spectrum that she thought Baron-Cohen was correct. She notes that her Web site on livestock management gets huge
numbers of hits from places, such as Silicon Valley, that have no particular
connection with animals but plenty with engineering and computers. Because
autistic people think in pictures, she says, they may be particularly good at
technology. Without the genes that give rise to autism, she says, the world
would be full of charming people who sit around the campfire, chatting gaily and
empathizing mightily but inventing nothing.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Breakfast+Lunch = Brunch

I realized what a ridiculous lie my whole life has been.

Biff Loman, Death of a Salesman

This is the feeling which the sales-lady from The Leela Kempinski must have hoped for me to have, after our conversation. But little does she know, that I am forged in the fires of Mount Doom (aka engineering college) like Sauron's ring; and hence exasperation will never work with me unless it is from my manager or guide (from my post-graduation days).

This conversation is a classic example of how materialistic the world has become. It also shows the pressure that is being put on the people to lead a 'good life'; to be read as dining-wining-jiving. And most importantly, it shows how the other point of view is trampled upon.

Sunday, 25th February, 2007

Scene: I am relaxing, watching a Tamil movie 'Jay Jay' on Sun TV. This was a 'thambi' version of Serendipity being presented in an OK form. The phone rings and this is the conversation that takes place...

Lady: May I speak to Mr. XYZ?

Me: No, he is not here.

Lady: When can I contact him?

Me: After 2 months.

Lady: 2 months?

Me: Yes, you see he's not in India.

Lady: OK, may I know who I am talking to?

Me: My name is Deepak and I am Mr. XYZ's nephew.

Lady: In that case could I talk to you?

Me: (surprised) Well, I guess so....

Lady: I am Ms. ABC calling from The Leela Kempenski. Have you heard of it?

Me: (groaning) Of course!!!!

Lady: We are a premier hotel chain in India. We are the best.. blah blah blah blah.... Sir, we have the following offers: you can have brunch, you can visit our discotheque blah blah blah... all this at a very nominal annual rate of Rs. 6,500. In fact this offer is so good and so exclusive that whomever we call accepts it during the duration of the first call. So, (exulting triumphantly) would you like to enrol??

Me: (grinning wickedly) This might sound shocking, but I DO NOT want to enrol.

Lady: (stunned) Sir?? Did I hear you right? You DO NOT want to join?

Me: Haan... When I say DO NOT, I mean DO NOT!!!

Lady: But sir, please see the benefits. Infact that is not all. You must have heard of The Leela, Goa. You can stay there for a concessional rate.

Me: (unable to concentrate on the movie) I have heard of it, but my answer still remains no.

Lady: (probably wondering if such cheap arseholes exist in Bombay) But why, sir? Why?

Me: (in my best tone) See, basically I am a homely person. I do not like to go out. Added to that, I do not have the stamina to come all the way from a central suburb to a western suburb braving all the traffic just to have brunch or shake my booty in a discotheque.

Lady: You don't go out?? Really?

Me: Ah yes, ascetics like me do exist in BOMBAY!!! And added to that I am pretty happy, contented. And if at all I feel like going out, I have places nearby which I patronise.

Lady: But sir, you are missing SOMETHING!!!

Me: Nopes ma'am. My answer remains the same. So, you go ahead, have a pleasant day!!!

Though the conversation was humorous, I noted that there were a few issues which I did not like. And, I have a policy of not being sarcastic or rude to the customer care staff on the phone. After all, they are doing their job. But that doesn't mean that I am going to be rude now or in the future!! If any customer care executive is reading this, please make a note of the following:

1. Never show a condescending attitude to others. An infinite variety of people exist in this world; and all of them may not share the mainstream avenue of having fun.

2. Some of us believe that 'Doing nothing is the best thing'. Whatever you say will not goad us into taking 'affirmative action'.

3. I know that sales is a challenging job and you need to be pursuasive in order to push your product. But please don't try too hard, else you may end up pushing the potential customer away .

As a favour I would advise the previously mentioned lady to contact all of the following ladies who would be more than interested in the brunch and disco offer.

Ms. Carrie Bradshaw; Ms. Miranda Hobbs; Ms. Samantha Jones and Ms. Charlotte York

But, be warned, advise your other customers not to be too prudish.....